In a legislative session that has seen its share of humor (sometimes intentional), the House Republican staff  handed out a 2 1/2-page, double-sided sports glossary on Wednesday to reporters.

The entries range from the clever ("dead ball" is defined as  "The period of time between 'conversations' about a policy direction when the conversation appears to be 'dormant'") to the obvious (the Douglas Bruce reference in the "kick" entry).

Asked for a response, House Democratic spokesperson Katie Reinisch said, "We're too busy working on the people's business to go out and get them cheese and crackers to go with their whine."  

Just for Fun: Post-game Wrap Up

By Rep. Mike May

Football metaphors were passed back and forth yesterday, leaving me to wonder exactly how many football metaphors we could come up with for the legislature. It appears the possibilities are endless. I borrowed football definitions from James Alter at www.football.about.com and drew a few additional comparisons for some lighthearted fun. The legislative definitions are my own.

Blind Side

Football Definition: The side opposite the direction a player is facing.

Example: When a right-handed quarterback sets up for a pass, the left tackle is responsible for protecting his blind side.

Legislative Definition: Being caught off guard by an unexpected bill, resolution, or off-the-cuff remark.

Example: When the governor vetoed House Bill 1072 last year to the pleasant surprise of Republicans and to the utter shock of his fellow Democrats and union friends.

Carry

Football Definition: The act of running with the ball. In a game's box score, a runner's rushing attempts are listed as carries.

Example: Many teams use a short-yardage back to carry the ball in goal-line situations.

Legislative Definition: Carrying a bill and running with it. Otherwise known as "sponsoring" a bill.

Example: Pick from any one of the 547 bills that have been introduced this year!

Coin Toss

Football Definition: Before the start of the game, the captain of the visiting team calls heads or tails of a coin flipped by the referee.

Example: The team that wins the coin toss has the choice of kicking off or receiving the kick. The losing team chooses which goal they would like to defend.

Legislative Definition: Using the same process to determine between a set of options.

Example: The governor is currently believed to be considering a coin toss to decide between multiple tax increase options for the ballot. The issues to be funded by said increase will also likely be determined by a coin toss.

Coverage

Football Definition: A defensive scheme designed to stop the pass, or a special teams scheme designed to limit the kick return.

Example: The pass coverage on a particular play is generally determined in the huddle before the play.

Legislative Definition: In the legislature, this reference is to political coverage. It is a method used to prevent damaging criticism that may negatively impact a person or party's political capital.

Example: Democrats in the legislature and in the governor's office were widely known to be seeking political cover this year for what some have called a "car tax."

Dead Ball

Football Definition: The period of time between plays when the ball is no longer in play, which is determined by the officials signaling the play to be over.

Legislative Definition: The period of time between "conversations" about a policy direction when the conversation appears to be "dormant."

Example: According to the governor's office, this appears to be the case with the governor's car tax at the moment.

Defense

Football Definition: The unit that is responsible for keeping the opposition out of their end zone.

Example: The defense is the unit that does not have possession of the football.

Legislative Definition: Basically the same thing, only without the football.

Example: The election year political strategy for the Democrat party in Colorado.

Extra Point

Football Definition: After a touchdown, the scoring team is allowed to add another point by kicking the football through the uprights of the goalpost.

Example: On an attempted extra point, the ball is placed on the 2-yard line in the NFL, or the 3-yard line in college or high school and is generally kicked from inside the ten-yard line.

Legislative Definition: When you say something really clever, or really stupid, and the comment gets printed in the Rocky Mountain News' "Extra!" section. A similar process is in place for the Denver Post, where the comment gets printed in "Under the Dome" (yet another football term used for the legislature - amazing!).

Example: Happens every day ...

False Start

Football Definition: An infraction in which an offensive player moves before the ball is snapped.

Example: A false start results in a five-yard penalty against the offending team.

Legislative Definition: Committing to a bill or policy and later regretting your commitment.

Example: Governor's first State of the State Address.

Forward Progress

Football Definition: The location to which a ball carrier's forward momentum carries him before he is tackled.

Examples: At the end of a play, the football is spotted at the point where the ball carriers forward progress is stopped, even if he is pushed backward by the defenders.

Legislative Definition: Moving the state forward.

Example: Some individual cases have been seen in recent years, such as with renewable energy, but in other cases we have actually seen the ball moving backward. That's often referred to as a sack in football.

Foul

Football Definition: Any violation of a playing rule.

Example: An offensive tackle is guilty of a foul if he is caught holding a defensive player.

Legislative Definition: Same deal, different forum.

Example: An unconstitutional property tax hike comes to mind.

Free Agent

Football Definition: A professional football player who is not currently under contract with any football team.

Example: A free agent may sign with any team he chooses.

Legislative Definition: Technically there are no contracts to stay with a party, so any official who does not feel committed to any particular party at any particular time.

Example: When a legislator switches parties midplay. I won't name names.

Kick

Football Definition: This term is used to refer to a placekicker's attempt to kick a field goal, extra point, or kickoff. Also refers to the act of kicking by either the placekicker or punter.

Legislative Definition: Same concept, again without the ball. No kicking allowed at the legislature.

Example: It wasn't a kick, it was a nudge.

Loose Ball

Football Definition: A ball that is not in possession of either team.

Example: A ball that is lying, or rolling around on the ground after a fumble is considered a loose ball.

Legislative Definition: When the party in power drops the ball. Please note for the record that only the party in power actually has the ball, so only the party in power has the ability to drop said ball.

Example: Pick a topic (excluding, of course, renewable energy).

Nickel Defense

Football Definition: A defensive formation that utilizes five defensive backs.

Example: Teams usually switch to a nickel defense when the opposition's offense is in obvious passing situations.

Legislative Definition: Defending nickels, dimes or any other loose change that taxpayers may still have in their possession.

Example: That pesky property tax hike keeps popping back up.

Onside Kick

Football Definition: An attempt by the kicking team to recover the ball by kicking it a short distance down the field.

Example: An onside kick must travel at least 10 yards before the kicking team can legally touch it, however, the ball does not have to be touched by a defender before the kicking team attempts to recover it.

Legislative Definition: Kicking from the side of the chamber. Again, strictly prohibited.

Example: Nudges don't count, so it's hard to think of an example.

Penalty

Football Definition: Punishment for an infraction of the rules.

Example: A penalty usually consists of some sort of loss of yardage by the offending team, but it can also include losing a down on certain penalties.

Legislative Definition: Imposed on the people of Colorado in the form of taxes.

Example: Keep going and going and ....

Piling On

Football Definition: An illegal play where several players jump on the player with the ball after he's been tackled.

Example: Piling on results in a 15-yard penalty against the offending team.

Legislative Definition: A legal but risky play where officials, commissioners or others target a particular industry.

Example: The oil and gas industry, for example.

Playbook

Football Definition: A collection of plays a team uses put into a notebook format.

Example: A playbook is issued to each member of the team and it includes terms, strategies, and plays used by that specific team.

Legislative Definition: A collection of guiding documents.

Example: Our ever-growing constitution and our continually evolving and expanding Colorado Revised Statutes.

Playoffs

Football Definition: The post-season tournament that determines the NFL champion.

Example: To get into the playoffs, a team must either win their division or have one of the two best records of all non-division winners in their conference.

Legislative Definition: The post-session tournament that determines who will serve as elected officials, commonly called "elections."

Example: Last election, hopefully next election.

Possession

Football Definition: 1. When a team has control of the ball, the are considered to be in possession of it.
2. When a player maintains control of the ball while touching both feet, or any other part of his body other than his hands, to the ground.

Example: 1. A team's possession begins when they take over on offense and ends when they give up the ball either by turnover, punt, or scoring. 2. On a pass play, a player must have possession of the ball before going out of bounds to complete the pass.

Legislative Definition: When a party has control of the ball.

Example: Unfortunately, the only party with possession of the ball right now is Democrats. For better or worse, they can introduce anything they want, they can pass anything they want, they can implement anything they want. Or they could drop the ball.

Punt

Football Definition A kick made when the punter drops the ball and kicks it while it falls toward his foot.

Example: A punt usually occurs on fourth down and is designed to drive the other team back as far as possible before they take possession of the ball.

Legislative Definition: When you kick the ball to the other team because you have absolutely no idea what your play would otherwise be.

Example: The governor on transportation solutions.

Weak Side

Football Definition: The side of the offense opposite the side on which the tight end lines up.

Legislative Definition: The name says it all.

Example: The Senate!