Top Ten Power Positions in Colorado Politics

The Top Ten Power Positions in Colorado

Updated February 14, 2007

  Because so many people admire the BCS college football Bowl System (cough, hack, yawn), we here at the Inside Edge came up with a similar methodology to measure the power and prestige of Colorado politicians.  Like the BCS Bowl System, it consists primarily of a computer-based simulation engine. The engine has sophisticated algorithms that predict the behavior of party activists, lobbyists and politicians under various scenarios.  It also has spell check.  In short, it’s like a mini-caucus on our computer. Except in OUR simulations, Congressman Doug Lamborn walks into highway traffic at the end of each caucus. We’re still trying to figure out if the tragedy is caused by a glitch or if it’s just validation of our methodology. It’s really sad watching that little cartoon Doug Lamborn character gasp and writhe in pain. I mean the character in our simulation, NOT the one in real life. Shame on you. Also, like the BCS Bowl System, the results from our simulation must meet strict criteria in order to be considered valid. Firstly, the results must make angry the widest numbers of people who feel slighted because their favorite politicker was left off, or not ranked high enough or they can’t believe that old what’s-her-name was included, etc.  Oh the fun of computers! The second criterion is that the politicians on the list must reside in Colorado. 

The Top Ten Power Positions in Colorado

1)      Governor Bill Ritter- Swerve left, fake right, go down the middle. Looks pretty successful to me.

2)      Ken Salazar- Is the VEEP boom real? If so, he ranks higher.

3)      Dick Wadhams- Think maybe this isn’t the best set-up for Dick.

4)      Marilyn Musgrave- Sometimes competition brings out the best in people. That’s been the case with Musgrave.

5)      Bob Schaffer- The longer he hangs around in our swing state, the more he rises.

6)      Joan Fitz-Gerald- The favorite in the 2nd CD.

7)      Mike Coffman- Oh, Mikey. How about we just use sticky notes and cardboard box for voting?

8)      Doug Bruce- Hey, he dominates the headlines whenever he sneezes.

9)      Andrew Romanoff- Making good use of his position to set the tone.

10)   The Hickenlooper- Isn’t doing much, but he has a fun name. People like to say it: H-I-C-K-E-N-L-O-O-P-E-R. See?

Falling: Wiens- just can’t make that tiny step to statesman; Gordon- more a figure of parody than power this session.